Fountain of Thoughts

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

My 7 year old Achu...

‘you have done a brilliant work Rajesh. You have been given….rrrrhhhhh……Raaaajjjeeeessshhhh………… Raaaajjjeeeessshhhh.’- what!! I woke up from a sudden jerk. ‘Raaajeeessshhh….’…I heard my wife yelling. What’s w/ her? Always yelling for something or the other. I can’t be in peace even in my dreams. Shucks!! Angrily, I kicked my blanket and got down. ‘Raaajesssh….’ ‘Coming Meera..what’s w/ you. Why are you shouting like this..’.

I hurried down the stairs. I saw Meera, my sweet(??!!) wife, sitting in the couch giving breakfast to my 7yr old daughter Achala. Both looked happy, watching TV. I got confused at the whole scenario. I came running down, expecting some kind of earthquake, but instead here everything was in place. I looked at my wife & daughter. She smiled at me back. Now, I more got confused, what’s happening here? Am I in a dream?

‘Meera…’
‘Yeah Rajesh…’
‘You called me. In fact yelled.’
‘Yes. You are right!’
‘Everything is fine here right? Why you screamed like that then…’
‘It’s ‘cos it’s going to be 8am now.’

I couldn’t understand what she was trying to say. Is she playing some kind of prank? Is this the time for all these? I have to be in office by 9am for a meeting.

‘Yes. It’s going to be 8am.Right! So…?’
‘Rajesh, don’t tell me, you forgot…today is 27th ‘
‘27th..What 27th?
‘Don’t tell me you don’t remember?’

Meera gave me an ‘I’ll kill you’ look. Is it her birthday? No it’s somewhere at the year end. Is it my daughter’s? No no , we celebrated last month only right. Got it. Should be our Anniversary.

‘Hey Meera, How will I forget our Anniversary…’
‘Whaattttttt????….Anniversaryyyyy???…..’

Got it. It’s not our anniversary. Before I get killed…What’s w/ 27th. What ?? what?? Come on Rajesh!! Think. Nothing hit my mind. I looked at my daughter for a clue. She turned her face away. What’s with all women? Why can’t they be straight forward & say things. With so much work pressure, how on earth I am supposed to remember all the dates?. If I say something, then Meera will pick up a fight, and I will miss the meeting, my whole day will be gone. I made up my mind to surrender.

‘Meera, Sorry, I don’t remember. This medicine I am taking for cough, Something happened..my memory is deteriorating ..What’s today?’ Meera doesn’t seem like buying that excuse from me.
’Meera, please tell me’ I asked in a pitiable tone..
‘Rajesh..You don’t remember at all?’ I moved my head left & right meaning NO. I kept my face like I am a patient suffering from ‘amnesia'.
'Rajesh, As part of annual day celebrations, today is 'Daddy's Day' in Achu's school. I have been telling you for the past 3 weeks. Now don’t tell me you forgot. You already promised that you will go with her to her school'I couldn’t believe that I accepted for something like that. 'Meeraa..did I??''Yes. You did'‘at what time it starts..?''By 8:30am and ends at 1pm'.Gosh!! 9am!! I have such a critical meeting. How I will attend all these.
“Meera, you could have reminded me yesterday right?’
‘Oh I didn’t remind you? Great. I didn’t call to your office. Or remind you in the evening and before going to bed’

Might be I wouldn’t have heard it. Or slipped out of my memory. What ever!!
'Meera! Can’t you attend all these. Why should I??'"Rajesh. It’s Daddy's Day!...DADDY'ss!!!!!''Oh yeah....but...''But what????...''errrh....might be some other day...''What? You want the school to postpone the function?''No..No…actually..what..I am saying is..''What Rajesh??? What?? Tell me. You promised Achu and are you going to disappoint her? 'I stood there totally helpless. I looked at my daughter. She was all dressed up and ready to go. She looked like, she will cry any time. I saw Meera. She gave me a murderous look. I thought for a moment and my mind raced with many calculations. Important meeting. I can’t miss for sure. Half a day is too much. So many deliverables will get affected. I can’t face Meera again if I don’t go. Might be I can postpone the meeting by an hour and for name sake visit that function and escape to office.
'Meera, I will go, but I can spend only 1 hour..''No...that’s not..'Before Meera finished the sentence, Achu rushed to me 'Thanks daddy. 1hour. Mom, 1hour is enough mom. Please don’t fight mom. Daddy, get ready soon..' she nudged me. ‘Do you know her school name and the route for the school or you want me to tell???’ Asking that Meera threw me an angry look and left the living room. I rushed up, got ready. Called my manager & told that I got stuck in traffic jam and postponed the meeting to 10am.

I took Achala to her school. I felt somehow entering the school, ‘cos it’s the 2nd time, I am entering her school. In fact 1st time. I once dropped her outside her school gate. The school had a big playground, Small Park with all kids playing equipments. Some stalls were put up. So many kids with their fathers moved around here & there. Suddenly I felt some one touching my hand

‘Are you achala’s daddy?’ – A small kid asked. She had curly hair and bubbly smile.

‘Yes,,,My Daddy..…’ – Achala responded in an excited tone. And some kids ran towards me and Achala started introducing everyone.

‘Daddy! this is Rohit, this is zakir, Anis, Sylvia, Divya..’ – I told hello to everyone.

‘Daddy, Daddy, Zakir is my best friend.’ – I smiled at that cute blue eyed boy.

‘Uncle, Achu told that you have so much work and you won’t be able to come. She told she won’t come in today. You don’t have work Uncle?’ – Zakir asked me.

I suddenly felt very bad on how my daughter has understood me. ‘No Zakir, I don’t have work’

‘Daddy, they are calling for the games. ‘ . Zakir ran to his father and waved his hands at me & achala. I took achala by hand and walked towards the stage. They were announcing the 1st game. Fathers will be given a sheet containing questions about their kids. Fathers have to fill about their kids which will be verified with the kids response.

Achala was all excited about the game and she was all set to go. But I felt shivers. I looked at my daughter. Suddenly, I felt very far from her, and the reality hit me, that I don’t know anything about my very own daughter. I blurted out ‘Achu..we will attend the next game..This one ..’ She gave me a deep stare. I thought she is going to cry or shout or do something. But instead she pulled out a small paper from her jeans pocket and gave it to me. Completely baffled, I opened the sheet.

My name is Achala. My birthday March 21st. I am 7yrs old. I like butterfly. Superman. Dairy milk. painting. dancing. I am in 1st standard A section. I like Dora. Mango. Apple. Fried rice. Jelly. I don’t like banana. I drink boost.. I like yellow color. My nick name is ‘Honey dew’

And the list went on with small, small spelling mistakes. I looked at Achu. ‘Daddy, read it, I know they will keep this game. So I wrote it 2 days back itself, to give you if you come. If they ask anything about me, write there. Ok Now go & attend the game’. Most of the things, my daughter has written & gave me, I never knew anything about it. I suddenly felt a lump in my throat. I went to the stage waved my hand to Achu and got the question sheet. Since Achu gave the sheet, I came to know about her & I answered almost all the questions. Then they asked Achu on stage and asked the questions to her. We got the 2nd highest mark in that game. Achu came running towards me and hugged me. They gave a ‘toy guitar’. Everyone congratulated us. Thou’ I won that game, I felt like a loser. I know, I don’t deserve this. I don’t know anything about my daughter.

She looked very happy showing that guitar to her best friend, zakir . What a kid she is. Understanding that her dad is totally hopeless and don’t want to let her dad down, before others she prepared that sheet and gave to me. The lump in my throat started getting bigger and my heart became heavy. I caressed her hair. What a beautiful smile she has and such big eyes. Does she miss a wing to get qualified as an angel? I have never admired my daughter or even watched her in all these years. She has that cute dimple of Meera’s as well as her eyes. Does that curling lip edges when she smiles, is mine? How I missed all this in my life.

Achala pulled me to the stalls there and I got some eatables and ballons for her and zakir.. She kept talking about the next game and suddenly my mobile rang. Oops!! Is it already 10am. I looked at Achu . Suddenly her face became dark. She looked totally upset and asked in an low voice ‘Daddy! You have to leave now?’

I looked at my mobile. My manager was calling. It’s already 10am. I looked at Achu. I looked around. All those happy kids with their fathers. I thought about my school days, where my dad used to come for all sports day, annual day, sit with me, cheer me up. Every day morning, while dropping me to school, he will wait near the gate until my head disappear. Evening, he will come & pick me up in his cycle, and I will be telling him all the stories that happened that day in school.
I saw Achu. How many untold stories my daughter has kept in her heart to say me? I thought about all those days, where I yearned for a girl child and I wonder, how much of my time I gave her.

I pulled her closer, gave a kiss on her fore head ‘No Honey! I am not going. I will be here only…we will attend all games and roam around whole day.ok?’

‘Really?’ – She asked in an unbelievable tone.

‘Yes sweetz’

‘Thank you Daddy!’ – Achala kissed my cheeks and ran to her friends. School teaches you something or the other always. This time, ‘back to school’ has taught me a wonderful life’s lesson. I called my
manager & told that am running high fever and can’t come in today. I know, I can handle things tomorrow. Today my daughter needs me more than anyone can need me in this world. With a lighter heart, I got up; ran towards Achu, lifted her and gave her a big swing. She erupted into an uncontrollable laughter. The lump in my throat started melting away.


"Inspired by My Beautful child"

Friday, November 27, 2009

Sumtimes in Life...

Sometimes in life.....
There are a lot of reasons... many to say n many to let go...
Today I was alone... staring at my mail box... I was there…
A silent whisper inside… A silent touch…
A willingness to open all old mails ... go thru it all over again...
Sometimes its better that way... to read... to forget...

A thousand words wont bring you back.. We know because we have tried... And neither will a million tears.. We know because we have cried...

Silently glanced through all my mails... some old memories...some silent thoughts …
Some incidents... Some stories... hah! not really… or I don’t know…
I then see, I had forgotten couple of them… trying to remember… yeah… getting old…
Went thru all of them finally… Well..Life has taught me so many lessons... I smiled…

There was a time when I used to ask someone else's help… Someone else’s intervention…
And I look back n realize how things have changed now…
I feel happy to do it all alone.. To achieve it all alone.. And I know its bliss…
A joy to help someone who was like me some years back…
I’m glad... I could do that... with a pat on my back… a smile on their lips... and a warm hand shake…
Yeah.. That’s all I wished for… it’s a great feeling… closing my eyes I smiled again…


Passing years have made me strong... bounced me back with a strong mindset... a courageous gal… Oh women… yeah I can say that now... :)
I feel strong now... I feel happy about how I deal things...
I know I’m not the BEST... I also know that am not bad either....
I closed my eyes… n smiled… This time with a long breath….


We dint realize we were making memories .. We just knew we were having fun...
Sometimes its better that way... let people experience n learn n bounce back… Bounce back strongly…
To live … This time to live happily...

Sometimes in life.....

Monday, June 16, 2008

Sometimes...

I dont know what to call this... some terrible feelings all around... some strange thoughts running around.. Am i in a right place???? i wondered many times....i dont know...
But all that i know is my God wont betray me.. am sure... for am not so bad...

Shravya was always saying this to herself... she said it many a times when things were not under her control.. When she could do nothing about things... When she was feeling helpless about the whole situation where she was in...
But she always said , for all that - i know my God wont betray me.. am sure... for am not so bad...

During all this awful times she used to read... read a lot .. some philosophies of life, some good thoughts to boost up.. some consoling words from her dear ones...All she wanted was a bit more attention a bit more considertion...

It was a friday evening... Didi... she came running up to me..I was surprised.. seeing her bit tensed... bit disturbed... She read out her thoughts on to me... her hautning thoughts...All i could do is pat at her back.. give a big hug.. make her feel little light...

A while later, I took out a book and gave it to her...She silently read...





Her eyes wide open... an eagerness in knowing things... A thurst for some words which would make her feel good.. As she read - Here it goes...

I understood that - Dont compare anyone in this world with YourSelf..If you are Comparing your insulting yourself.
I understood that - No one will Manufacture a lock without a key.In the same way God wont give problems without solutions.

I understood that - Life laughs at you when you are unhappy..Life Smiles at you when you are happy...Life Salutes you when you make others happy.

I understood that - Every successful person had painful story.Every painful story has a successful ending.

I understood that - We should accept tht pain and get ready for success.

I understood that - Easy is to judge the mistakes of others..Difficult is to recoznise our own mistakes.

I understood that - It's easier to protect your feet with slippers Than to cover the earth with carpet.

I understood that - No one can go back and change a bad beginning , But anyone can start now and create a successful ending...

I understood that - if a problem can be solved no need to worry about it.. If a problem can not be solved what is the use of worrying

I understood that - If you miss the oportunity don't fill the eyes with tears.It will hide another better opportunity in front of you.

I understood that - Changing the face can change nothing. Buut Facing the change can change evrything.

I understood that - Don't complain about others;Change yourself if you want peace.

I understood that - Mistakes are painful when they happen . But years later collection of mistakes is called experience, which leads to success.
I understood that - Be bold when you loose and be calm when you win.

I understood that - Heated gold becomes ornament.Beaten copper becomes wires.Depleted stone becomes statue.So the more pain you get in life you become more valuables
As sharavya finished reading, she was feeling more relaxed... lil more comfortable...

She held me tight and told..."What is Life without these obstacles without these problems" isint it Didi....

I smiled and said... its all correct... :)

Friday, November 16, 2007

On a cloudy day

It was a cloudy day... dark all-around
I was in a hurry to get into the cab...
Walking towards my cab realized that it was raining heavily...

Somehow managed to get into the cab. Found a seat for myself... was kind of settled...
Looking outside the window I had played my memories on...

A while later a guy rushed into the cab.
Helloooooo he shouted..
Few People nearby said helllo to him as well..
Does this goes to Naydaalli ? he asked -
I looked in as to who this was???
What was that Alok??? Somebody sitting at the back asked him.
He was silent and confused as to what to say.
Laughing at him his friends said arree Alok its not naydahalli its nayandahalli..

Nayanda Halli... he repated... somehow with great difficulty...
Kya kya naam rakhte hey yaar..he was murmuring... his friends were smiling...
Again he asked does this go to Nayanda HAlli???
They said YES Alok.. jayega... don’t worry...

Arre let me know once am near to that yaar he said...with a smile on his face...
I was listening to their conversation... they were sitting right before me...
Was enjoying although ... :)

People find hard to spell some words... it reminded me how tough once I used to feel to pronounce it...hmmm good old days...

I had my seminar today... And pata hey i could excel on it...
I got “A” Grade Alok said to one of his friends...

He was happy,... jumping with Joy ...

His friend asked him "What was your salary Alok?
He instantly said 8950/-

Cheerfully and very spontaneously it came out... no hassles at all..
Alok was a Fresher.. He was from the 2007 passed out batch.

I remembered how once I had told to one of my friends for the first time I had taken up a professional job... :)
All memories flashed in front of my eyes...



He was always telling about his project, things that he finds difficult to do... many more like that...
I could co-relate certain things..
How once i used to bug my sis n friends... tell them all about office n things like that...

When i knew nothing about what a professional Life is all about... and now how i have grown with the passing years...
Things have still not changed rather I could say… :)

Arre... Nayandahalli aanese batadena.. he shouted to his friends again...
One among his friends asked him to inform the cab driver to give a stop near that place..

He did the same... and was again on with his stories on the project / manager/ his life style...

One of his friends asked alok" so what are u going to do with the salary u got??
He smiled and said.. i am meeting my friends today.. he he he...
And the remaining i would want to buy something’s to my mom dad n other relatives...
Papa ne kaha hey.. he said and smiled…

Listening to his conversation made me recall, how i had spent when i got my first salary.. :)
it brought a smile onto my face ...

Nayandhalli.. The cab driver shouted... I don’t know if I spelled it right… :)

Byeeeeee.. tho kal miltehey... Alok waved at all his friends and got down from the cab..

As Alok left the cab... i was again on with my memories...
Waiting to get back home... looking at the wet grounds caused by rain... peeping through the window for something interesting again...
It was my stop... i got down from my cab...slowly walked towards my home...


Well...memories are always memorable....

Monday, October 29, 2007

What would i do... without you....

Mamma... She wishpered... she could find silence all around...
Miss u mamma....Miss u so much..

I know how much i had troubled u..knowingly or unknowingly how much i would have hurt u...

And now when i could realise its too late.. i could not replace those time with the one i would have done some years back...

No.. all is gone now...passed days... passed life.. how could i ever get it back...

she wondered... closing her eys she try to listened to a vocie...

There was no answer... nothing from her inner heart...
tears ran out of her eyes...

god was the next call.. i... i couldn't do it... i was...

she struggled even to speak...words were also not in favour of her...
Everytime she used to wonder- wonder if she could ever relive all those days which she wanted to ... give those good time to her mommy ...

She was in her kitchen...cooking dont know what.. strange thoughts kept haunting her...
There was no one to even help her... her roomie never bothered to atleast speak to her...

The little soul of hers was hurt.. there was no one this time.. not even her roomie... she was all alone...



mamma...she said... how i used to trouble u... asking u to cook for me whenever i was hungry... never ever bothered to know if u were ever tired..
Of all the odd times i had troubld u for...Am not happy now mamma....
...and i know how it is to do things any thing for that matter when ur not in mood...

Though i remember... i recall my days... when i was with u... singing and dancing all around...roaming with my friends.Never bothered to help u in any of the things u do... nothing at all.
u were always there ... not saying anything... rather fulfilling everything i had asked u for...

Sorry mammma.... that was a loud call...with her wet eys she sat in the kitchen... she couldnt resist...

of all she was alone... all alone in her little room...

Sunday, May 13, 2007

LIFE !!!


Every day its a new day thats the way the life goes...

U happen to meet people slowly get close to them... but before u realise u've got close to them the time comes to part... to say a long goodbye...

thats the way the life goes....

Sometimes people come into ur life & u know right away that they were meant to be there to serve some part of purpose,teach u a lesson or help figure out who u r or who u want to be...

U never know who these people may be but U lock eyes with them ..

U know that very moment that they'll affect ur life in some profound way & sometimes things happen to u at the time that may seem horrible,painful & unfair,but in reflection u realize that without overcoming those obstacles u w'd never realize ur potential, strength ,will power or heart.
Everything happens 4 a reason...nothing happens by chance or by means of luck.

Illness,love lost moments of true greatness & sheer stupidity all occur to test limits of ur soul,Without these small tests life w'd be like a smooth paved,straight,flat road nowhere safe & uncomfortable but dull & utterly pointless.

The people u meet affect ur life.

The successes & downfalls that u experience can create whom u r & the bad experiences can be learned from. believe in yourself, Create ur own life & then go out & live it.


While writing this blog i recollect how some years back i used to write up in a book and capture all my memories... and now how things have changed... :)

Lot of things to cherish upon as days pass on... many to sit back n smile saying gone are those days which is never gonna come back...


Every day its a new day thats the way the life goes...